The ads are starting to appear. You may be becoming a little anxious about what you’re going to do to appreciate this woman – this female primate – who birthed you. Some of us must honor her in absentia…gone from our lives due to un-proximity, death, alienation – so many reasons. Mine’s gone – she lived 83 years & there are so many questions I still long to ask her. Ask now, don’t wait. Even if you know you’ll never get an answer, or maybe not the answer you hope for.
And please don’t wait until Mother’s Day to call or visit her! This woman – for all of your mixed feelings about your relationship with her and how she raised you, how she lives or lived her life, the mate/s she chose & the other children she bore – this woman held you as the love of her life when you were born. We humans are born pretty helpless, unlike most mammals. Our mothers, & fathers if we’re lucky, & siblings & grandmas & other family members if we’re lucky, fed us & loved us & carried us around for a long time before we were able to do much by ourselves. Then, those first moments of smiling made all the difference in the world – the exhaustion & pain & angst of wondering-if-our-lives-were-ever-going-to-be-the-same (um, no…) faded away when you smiled.
Yes we all know that no mother is perfect – we’re just animals like the rest, doing our best on this journey we happened upon through the randomness of life on earth. It’s hard though to not feel that we’re responsible for these lives that we spawned (with the input of our mates, of course). Well, we are & we aren’t…it’s all part of that nature&nurture conundrum.
As hard as it has been (& still is, sometimes) to be a mother, it’s harder to imagine not having been one. Being a grandmother now feels like a totally unexpected, unbelievably delightful reward. Being closer now to our 30-something daughter feels like it was so worth all those sleepless nights. This really is an amazing (sniff, big breath, cute cats, &…uh, Elton John music) Circle of Life.
So, please, call her today if you can. Send her a love note. If your mom’s not around, honor someone else’s. Don’t wait for Mother’s Day.